so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
