You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
should my penis look like a turkey
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
