Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
