maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
