Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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