I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
