I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
