i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
