he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
