so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize