So drunk its hurt
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
