the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
