i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We're too hungover to prance.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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