Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
