whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
