The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I pour the whiskey from now on
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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