Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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