I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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