How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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