things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize