I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
