I molested 6 butterflies tonight
someone get that fucking seahorse.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
