Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
