every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
