..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
