My liver just broke up with me...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
