he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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