He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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