Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
