all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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