I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
