I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
