The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
