Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
