ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
