youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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