I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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