No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
