We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
