I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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