Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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