Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
