I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
