just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
