What a fucking waste of an outfit
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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