I accidentally burped into my bong.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
