Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
