I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
