If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
