you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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