if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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