sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
