What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
