Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
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If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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