I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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