Less talking, more tequila
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
