Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
