dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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