First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
