You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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