piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
