i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
