I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We left the knife in your bed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
