Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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