Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
