im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize