whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
