We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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