wanna go halves on a baby?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
