I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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